They Seemed to Be Doing OK, And Then…
Summary
Why the “Sudden” Collapse Isn’t Sudden: Burnout, withdrawal, or behavioural shifts are rarely abrupt — the conditions build quietly over time.
Coping Isn’t the Same as Readiness: Functioning on the surface can mask systems that are working far harder than they should.
Development Breaks When It’s Rushed: When children are pushed before their systems are ready, the cost appears later — not immediately.
Full Article
I see it all the time.
Children and adults who seem to be coping, sometimes even thriving. They’re functioning, meeting expectations, doing what’s required of them.
And then, seemingly suddenly and out of nowhere -
bang.
Performance drops.
Energy collapses.
They withdraw, burn out, “get in with the wrong crowd,” or change in ways that feel out of character and hard to understand.
This kind of flip is never sudden.
The seeds are there long before the behaviour changes or the symptoms appear. And unless we understand where it’s rooted, we misread what’s actually happening and respond at the wrong level.
That’s where developmental logic matters.
Most pushing looks reasonable on the surface.
Encouraging a child to keep going.
Helping them stretch.
Preparing them for the “real world.”
And in the short term, it often works.
Children comply.
They perform.
They meet expectations.
But compliance is not the same as readiness.
When children are pushed before their systems are ready, development doesn’t accelerate it fragments.
Human development follows a sequence. Certain capacities need to stabilise before others can meaningfully build on top of them. When that sequence is respected, growth feels demanding but coherent. When it’s skipped, effort replaces integration.
From the outside, a child may appear capable.
From the inside, their system may be working far harder than it should.
This is why the cost of pushing is rarely immediate.
It shows up later.
As anxiety that seems disproportionate.
As resistance that feels confusing.
As shutdown, perfectionism, or emotional exhaustion.
The nervous system remembers what the mind was asked to override.
Children who are pushed to perform before their foundations are ready often learn to rely on pressure rather than internal organisation. They become skilled at coping but not necessarily at regulating, adapting, or sustaining themselves.
This isn’t a failure of parenting.
It’s a misunderstanding of how human systems grow.
Readiness is not about willingness.
It’s not about motivation.
And it’s not about intelligence.
Readiness is structural.
When foundational skills like rhythm, sensing, structure, and focus are integrated, children naturally rise to challenges. They don’t need to be pushed into engagement engagement emerges because their system can now carry it.
Wisdom Education™ starts here.
Instead of asking children to adapt to demands their systems can’t yet support, it asks a different question:
What needs to stabilise first so growth can occur with less friction?
This is where pressure becomes unnecessary.
Not because expectations disappear but because the system is finally able to meet them.
If this perspective resonates, the 7 Seeds of Success® eBook offers an introduction to understanding which foundational Seed Skills may have some catching up to do, and why pushing hasn’t been creating the ease you hoped for.
Because development doesn’t stall from lack of effort.
It stalls when systems are asked to perform before they’re ready.
